oops. buzzed my hair.
i am smoking my last cigarette.
this depresses me.
what also depresses me is my whole life.
my sister is moving to madison in three weeks and i am scared shitless
because she makes me so happy
and she will still make me happy when she is gone
and i will write her letters
and skype with her when i’ve had a lot of beers
and text her when she’s drunk and laugh at how horrible her conversation skills are
and still love her so much, from 328 miles away.
i have finished my cigarette, and my tears are frozen to my face.
because it is cold in minnesota
but it’s cold in Madison, too.
i think that when two ghosts fall in love, it just sounds like a whisper. i also am worried that if you were to cut me, maybe to see if my blood was sick, only sand would pour out. or maybe nothing at all. what kinds of things do glass girls keep in them? there is a boy in my algebra class and his name is Basil and he is very nice but i wish he drank because i want everyone to be as terrible as me. i hope i am still your favourite accident! i am very hungry and i know that at some point last night, i dreamt i was in one of those big houses, one with a green door. i am thinking a lot about a lot:
i don’t know if you panic on the phone by Casey Ashman
Casey Ashman explains the migratory habits of the heart. Besides being a pulsing thing in one’s chest the heart is a bird. After someone dies the heart flies out of the body. The heart soars to the clouds to search for other hearts. Hearts are social birds. No heart wants to be alone. Building nests with other hearts is crucial. Years of research show that hearts enjoy taking care of their young together. Wingspans are an important part of the heart. Sometimes the heart can glide there with little effort at all. Other times in turbulent weather the heart beats so hard. The heart’s song is said to be one of the most beautiful songs of all birds yet it sounds different to every listener. No two heart birds sing the same song though when hearts mate they reproduce the sounds if not the song.
Twitter looks like reality. Casey stays under the covers. Hiding away from reality is usually easiest in bed. Sleep has its own peculiar logic. Underneath the covers writing can persist. Casey almost forgets what Twitter looks like which is highly unfortunate. With Twitter people can communicate without their parents seeing a thing. That’s the beauty of Twitter: parents still have no idea on how to use it. Facebook has seen parents invade it. Good thing Twitter remains off limits to all but the most tech savvy of parents.
Flowers can’t be everywhere. Winter kills off the flowers. Grey invades the world with the cold. Cold and grey enjoy frolicking with each other. Springtime ruins their fun. As the first hints of color emerge from their hibernation the bland grey wishes it could last forever. Yet the grey is happy. Cities exist whose job is to hide the colors away forever. Concrete jungles dislike gaudy color. Tasteful is more of a thing. Winter, spring, summer or fall, color can’t invade the cities at all. Even with flower power cities can look bare. Dirt wins over flowers most of the time.
26 hours of consecutive sleep means that Casey would make a good sloth. Sloths sleep hard all the time. Life is easier in sleep. Sometimes people want to sleep all the time because life is hard. Getting yelled at for sleep seems so strange. Removing oneself from reality even for a short time can be a good thing. Alone time exists in dreams. Expectations, hopes, they mean nothing in the dream world. People are more themselves inside their own minds than they ever could be with each other. Humanity is the loneliest species on the planet, living together and feeling alone.
By the end Casey gives the reader a letter. There is no need to return it to sender as the letter doesn’t exist. It is just a photograph attached reminding the reader these thoughts are on pieces of paper somewhere, waiting to brighten a day.
DREAM COME TRU: Beach Sloth reviewed one of my works. My eyes have fallen out of their sockets. I am happy.
Haunted Hotel by Casey Ashman
Casey is in love with Jupiter’s moons. Usually moons are boring. The Earth’s moon is a dead rock. Jupiter’s moons are the sexiest moons in the galaxy. Europa offers the possibility of life as it orbits a big dead ball of gas. On Jupiter there is a storm, a huge storm that is always happening. It swirls around like the smoke from Casey’s cigarette. No one is bothered by her cigarette smoke. Like the storms it remains beyond comprehension why it twirls out of the cigarette in that exact fashion. Her love life consists of the galaxy’s offerings. Casey is an astronomer in love with the galaxy but nobody in particular.
Eagles are the symbols of America’s freedom. That’s why they pick through deer carcasses. Like America eagles have air superiority. Nobody messes with the eagle. US currency loves the eagle. Thanks to the eagle American currency looks considerably more Illuminati. Obviously the eagle is the ultimate symbol of not just the Illuminati but of the Freemasons in general. Super-secret the Freemasons and the Illuminati travel above the US on the freest creatures, the eagles, known to laypeople as ‘airplanes’.
A haunted hotel offers them a meal so good it is scary. Casey is terrified by the high-quality food. Together with her family she has a ghoulishly good time. Next to her family someone says grace before their meal. However the ghosts steal his soul to give him true peace. Everyone around him fails to realize this since he was dead on the inside for a long time. Only Casey understands as she sees his swollen hand. Souls usually depart through the hands. It is easier that way.
Praying for elk is cool. Casey is surrounded by elk. Sadly elk are really ugly. Elk get laid a lot though. An attractive elk doesn’t have to work that hard to impress other elk. Unlike humans elk have no concept of love. EMO elk don’t exist. In the rural part of America the elk roam free. Listening to ‘Born to run’ the elk is unaware of Bruce Springsteen or what New Jersey is. Freedom is a concept lost on the elk. All the elk know is they like that song. If elk ever created an elk equivalent of karaoke they’d do it with gusto.
By the end Casey thinks about death. That’s a main theme in most of rural America as the interior empties out into the coasts. Americans run to the coast like lemmings to the water, wanting warm weather when they pass away. Casey is right: she should wear a seatbelt. Protection from an uncertain world is important. And she’s in America’s heartland.
WOW EVERYTHING IS SO NEAT, THANK U, IM IN LOVE WITH EVERYONE
lots of touring this winter/spring!!
and im gona book more also—please tweet at me or facebook me if u have an offer, or if you’d rally all your friends to come see me in ur city!!
im booking a florida tour for april i think.. probably a couple trips to MI and OH (including cleveland this time #RARE).. i’ll be back in NY/PA and toronto/montreal sometime this spring/summer.. and back to the west coast.. i hope to go to England this year!
please help me decide where to go,i base my decisions on where i have the most suporters who are the most enthusiastic, and/or where i can get paid by some generous fund (often colleges have money for speakers, etc)
more tour info/updates on livemylief.com/tour
Hooray!!! Steve will be in the cities on the 9th! wow, neato.