a collection of writings by Casey AshmanTumblr (3.0; @actualhobo)http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/<p>i have published another ebook called &#8220;Indoor Voices&#8221;!<br/>it can be read <a href="http://www.scribd.com/doc/140072813/INDOOR-VOICES">here</a><br/>thank you for your time! I love you so much.<br/>x<br/>actualhobo</p>http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/49900784277http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/49900784277Tue, 07 May 2013 21:46:11 -0400ebookpoetrypoemsmineactualhobocaseyashmanlitalt litIndoor Voices<p>strip me of my clothes<br/> my anxieties<br/> my pride<br/> my sadness<br/> tell me you love me.<br/> when you have my heart clenched<br/> between your <br/> once-in-a-while smile,<br/> tell me you still do. <br/> tell me it never gets easier.</p>http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/47432080604http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/47432080604Sun, 07 Apr 2013 23:59:38 -0400poempoetrylitcaseyashmanactualhobosmileAbout A BoyTEB<p>i will never really find the wounds <br/>you left.<br/>I won&#8217;t go looking for them, <br/>anyway.</p> <p>Because i know that the second i think<br/>it&#8217;s time to heal,<br/>you&#8217;ll be there again.</p> <p>making me want to touch your hand.<br/>making me want to save you.<br/>making me want to keep you.</p> <p>so when people stare at me<br/>and say, <br/>&#8220;with scars like that, <br/>who&#8217;s ever gonna love her?&#8221;</p> <p>i&#8217;ll think to myself,<br/>&#8220;I don&#8217;t even feel them anymore.&#8221;</p>http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/46954791474http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/46954791474Tue, 02 Apr 2013 15:26:06 -0400poempoetrylitcaseyashmanactualhobohandstouchscars<p>1. get high with your taurian brother and over-analyze everything. Realize that while you’re articulating some of your troubles, he’s silent. Recognize that to your older brother, you are second best. Notice how he handcuffs himself to a bottle at night so he’ll stop thinking and go to sleep. Care more about everyone more than you do yourself.</p> <p>2. Worry about a boy you used to love sleeping next to you,his pain drifting in and out with every content snore. Hes comfortable with you, and all you can do is worry about him.</p> <p>3. Go to a party with your best friend and get drunk and then make out with her after taking off your tops. Let people take videos and be gossiped out through the halls on monday morning. Hello, Vixen, nice to meet you.</p> <p>4. Isolate yourself from all those you adore. Call it “lonely”, call it “guarded”, call it “help me god i have done this to myself”.</p> <p>5.Criticize the people around you in order to focus on them better. If you can have flaws, then goddamnit, they can too.</p> <p>6.Lie in bed at night and think to yourself, (from beneath you glow-in-the-dark stars, your pokemon blanket, snuggled up with your stuffed unicorn)<br/>“How beautifully chaotic it is, to be sixteen.”</p>http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/46951782147http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/46951782147Tue, 02 Apr 2013 14:42:21 -0400poempoetrylitcaseyashmanactualhobovirgosixteenyouthsong of myself<p>Your beauty is <br/> askewed by what feels like the<br/> biggest ocean in this world.<br/> Distant in more than one sense of the word. <br/> You shoot me with your one-word arrows<br/> they go right through my chest.<br/> Clean, cut, handsome.<br/> And as I count the holes in me,<br/> wishing you&#8217;d just touch them,<br/> I find out where I belong.<br/> Pat Benetar said once that Love<br/> is a battlefield.<br/> Maybe she forgot to also explain<br/> how we reenact a different World War<br/> every night—<br/> you, crawling into bed with me.<br/> And my legs ache like I&#8217;ve been<br/> standing for 23 years,<br/> but you never came to bed.<br/> Let Germany rejoice.<br/> We&#8217;ve avoided a catastrophe.</p>http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/46533033970http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/46533033970Thu, 28 Mar 2013 17:11:51 -0400poempoetrylitcaseyashmanactualhobowardistancecatastrophe<p>i&#8217;ve been meaning to ask you all sorts of things.<br/> things about lava lamps,<br/> navigational skills, patience, ice cream.<br/> mythology. museums. musicals.<br/> i lay awake at night<br/> wanting for you to be around to answer.<br/> to hear me say, half-dreaming,<br/> &#8220;i love you. i love you. i love you.<br/> i think about you before i sleep.&#8221;</p>http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/46532831380http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/46532831380Thu, 28 Mar 2013 17:09:15 -0400poempoetrylitcaseyashmanactualhoboquestionsnighttimeAbout A Boyteb<p>all i want in this life<br/> is to wake up in the middle of the night<br/> to find myself wrapped around you—<br/> my bruised kneecaps against<br/> the perfect hinge of your legs,<br/> my chest cradling the brick in the small of your back—<br/> and make sleepy love.<br/> i want to wake up in the midst of a blizzard,<br/> 4 a.m coming down,<br/> and ask you (softly) if you are awake<br/> and receive only kisses<br/> as an answer.<br/> i wrote this for you.</p>http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/46183374048http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/46183374048Sun, 24 Mar 2013 15:26:15 -0400poempoetrycaseyashmanactualhobohappysadsgoofy shitkissesTEBi wrote this for youlitsleep<p>would you like to sleep here<br/> i miss you<br/> can you come to my house three months from now<br/> and help me rearrange my furniture<br/> so i dont get terrified of everything<br/> i like the way you reject me all the time<br/> i like when you ignore me<br/> it confirms the preconceived notion i have<br/> that i am not important<br/> thank you for your time<br/> sincerely,<br/> your 3 a.m. friend</p>http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/46174793381http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/46174793381Sun, 24 Mar 2013 13:43:21 -0400poempoetryrejectioncaseyashmanactualhobolit3 a.m friend<p>i snap my hairtie against my wrist.
<br/> and stare at the redness. 
<br/> this doesn’t mean a lot to me.<br/> 
i like when my skin looks paper thin, <br/> like i could rip it open
with a whisper.<br/> 
i run my fingers over the red welts
<br/> and think, carefully
<br/> “I feel nothing.<br/> 
the brain inside my skull could fall out<br/> 
26 seconds from now<br/> 
&amp; it would feel like a million years ago.”
<br/> and when i scratch my pen on the paper<br/> 
it sounds like helicopters.<br/> 
i lay my head on the carpet and 
<br/> push my face into the ground,<br/> 
clench and unclench my fists 6 times,
<br/> and still feel nothing.<br/> 
i run my fingers over the red welts.<br/> 
i realize that before i was a girl,<br/> 
i was a ghost.
<br/> i run my fingers over the red welts. <br/> 
i have never known how to be near<br/> to anything 
that isn’t burning.<br/> 
i snap my hairtie against my wrist.
<br/> i run my fingers over the red welts.<br/> 
i feel nothing.</p>http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/46173131509http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/46173131509Sun, 24 Mar 2013 13:23:00 -0400poempoetryrejectcaseyashmanactualhobolitanxietynothing<p>the back of my neck is a thorn</p>http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/45031579708http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/45031579708Sun, 10 Mar 2013 12:25:21 -0400thoughtbiography<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/97b7654c8ce6395a9364ad9fde4d6a39/tumblr_micix2GKWn1rest2wo1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>a poem</p>http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/43282771448http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/43282771448Sat, 16 Feb 2013 22:55:50 -0500poempoetrylitBGAbout A Boycaseyashmanactualhobo<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/c5d03555d1ee6f5a56bf753861548125/tumblr_mhu4spoVNB1qkz7xto1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p><a href="http://plus.livemylief.com/post/42487741950" class="tumblr_blog">liefplus</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>poem by <a href="http://koof.tumblr.com/">keegan crawford</a> in <a href="http://www.everyday-genius.com/2013/02/keegan-crawford.html"><em>everyday genius</em></a></p></blockquote>http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/42734787390http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/42734787390Sun, 10 Feb 2013 01:43:21 -0500<p><a href="http://petulanceparty.tumblr.com/post/42075162067/reason" class="tumblr_blog">petulanceparty</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>i wanna lie on a trampoline in the summer with you<br/>this seems more romantic than most things<br/>there will be fireflies in the bushes<br/>and we will kiss a little<br/>and feel good about the bouncy surface <br/>beneath us<br/><br/>i wasn’t feeling sad when i started writing this<br/>but now for some reason i am</p></blockquote>http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/42084560886http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/42084560886Sat, 02 Feb 2013 01:43:30 -0500i like thisok<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/e30a70aea4828c5c568e5303ff48759a/tumblr_mhkl8ksTbb1qkz7xto1_500.png"/><br/><br/>http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/42071263042http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/42071263042Fri, 01 Feb 2013 22:17:55 -0500wise words<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/6b80e0056192b9c90cbf516a2c944a06/tumblr_mhioouQ3vD1rest2wo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>oops. buzzed my hair.</p>http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/41985188361http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/41985188361Thu, 31 Jan 2013 20:12:30 -0500haircut<p>i am smoking my last cigarette.<br/> this depresses me.<br/> what also depresses me is my whole life.<br/> my sister is moving to madison in three weeks and i am scared shitless<br/> because she makes me so happy<br/> and she will still make me happy when she is gone<br/> and i will write her letters <br/> and skype with her when i&#8217;ve had a lot of beers<br/> and text her when she&#8217;s drunk and laugh at how horrible her conversation skills are<br/> and still love her so much, from 328 miles away.<br/> i have finished my cigarette, and my tears are frozen to my face.<br/> because it is cold in minnesota<br/> but it&#8217;s cold in Madison, too.</p>http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/41926490663http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/41926490663Thu, 31 Jan 2013 00:12:01 -0500poempoetrylitcaseyashmanactualhobodistancefamilysisterssadi am sadMadison WisconsinMinnesota<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/24050138911c2461c55518ecabbd4a7b/tumblr_mhf736Nbgd1rest2wo1_500.png"/><br/><br/>http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/41863083982http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/41863083982Wed, 30 Jan 2013 08:34:54 -0500image macrotweettwittercaseyashmanactualhoboplanetgaytardfeethandsstupid<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/d1cd0667f110da16c747387735d584ef/tumblr_mhf70s6O6y1rest2wo1_500.png"/><br/><br/>http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/41859834392http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/41859834392Wed, 30 Jan 2013 06:51:57 -0500image macrotweettwittercaseyashmanactualhoboplanetgaytardjellyfishmelting<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/6942279f2cc966be8837e0f7e0b37341/tumblr_mhf6ykdIju1rest2wo1_500.png"/><br/><br/>http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/41857325405http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/41857325405Wed, 30 Jan 2013 05:09:20 -0500tweettwittercaseyashmanactualhoboplanetgyatardwizard of ozfucked up<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/0306433ee668756a0cbe3a24b8dd0b3a/tumblr_mhf6fg1uOR1rest2wo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/41854960756http://actualhobo.tumblr.com/post/41854960756Wed, 30 Jan 2013 03:26:15 -0500image macrolitcaseyashmanactualhoboet ceteramispronounciationok