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where does it go


April 14th
10:51 pm

loser

i’ve written a lot of poems about
a lot of different boys
what if i sent them all to those boys
fuck that shit i don’t care
& i’m not going to
i’m not gonna care until i find a boy
who can make my tantrums go away
who never makes me disappear
or who will find me when i do
i read through some old poems
& i hate them but 
remember exactly how i felt when i wrote them
is that a thing that people do
i smoke a lot & it’s whatever i don’t give a shit really
i dreamt about a dude a few nights ago &
it was dumb because when i dream
about boys i get homesick for them immediately
but when i woke up from my dream about this stupid dude
i just wanted to go back to sleep &
dream about somebody else 
for once
i’ll sleep on your floor if you’ll let me 
i dream about being dirty broke
about being pretty & free
fuck dreams & fuck boys
i told my mom i want to find 
the Best Boy & that i’d 
wander through every back yard & broken promise
just to find him
& when i do i’m gonna light that
motherfucker on fire
boys always have a bone to pick or 
a bone to break & i’m sick to death
of being the heavy in their lives

s.t.